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They Said What?! – First Trimester

I know I am not alone when it comes to being asked inappropriate questions regarding my pregnancy. I’ve read many a blog post about the hideous things well-meaning people say without thinking. Today I’ve got a pet peeve of my own to share with you – I’ll try not to poorly rehash old ground.

Matt and I were savvy enough to figure out pretty quickly that there were bound to be asked ‘Was it planned?’Β  by at least a handful of totally over-familiar assholes beloved friends and family.

congratulations-new-intentional-baby-ecard-someecardsWe decided that there was one (and only one) person we’d entertain an actual conversation with on the topic with (the afore-mentioned, much-loved, younger brother of Matt) For dealing with anyone else we came up with the curt yet diplomatic reply ‘We couldn’t be happier.’

Now I’m unsure what possesses people to enquire about your sex-life and ability to use birth control but trust me they will! I mean are people really asking this question to figure out whether or not they should be congratulating or commiserating you? It’s actually pretty insulting to have people basically imply that you aren’t in a position where having a child seems like a good idea.

So far we’ve had the question put to us by a grand total of 4 relations, 2 friends, 1 colleague and 1 virtual stranger who works in a local shop. It’s pretty heartwarming to see how much faith our circle has in our ability to parent.

Now I know most of these people would likely gasp if they could have heard themselves / know how it felt to be asked but indulge me here (:

On reflection the person I’m most annoyed at in the situation is myself. I feel like as we had a pretty good idea this question would be asked I should of been ready with a bad ass response. Disappointly I generally looked sheepish and muttered something about ‘Not really no… but… um, yay.’ Going forward I am resolved to have more backbone!

Have many of you been asked this infamous question? How did you deal with it?

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20 Comments

  1. 24th November 2014 / 5:38 pm

    Great blog! What a rude question! I have yet to become pregnant but when and if I do I would love to have a witty remark! They make it seem as thought everyone plans! Cmon folks! Keep us posted with that comment !!!
    -Jasmine

    • 24th November 2014 / 5:47 pm

      haha thanks jasmine i almost hope someone else says it so i can say something witty!

      • 25th November 2014 / 4:52 pm

        Haha i can imagine! Awh i think they are all well-meaning but it does get tiresome.

  2. 24th November 2014 / 5:54 pm

    I love this! So true!
    Friends and family are also super “helpful” when they know that you are trying to get pregnant. I get asked like every day “are you pregnant yet?!” Let me work my magic in peace! Lol

    • 24th November 2014 / 6:14 pm

      Oh lordy that sounds so frustrating! Families are loveable but a total pain half the time haha x

  3. 24th November 2014 / 5:57 pm

    Hi hibaby πŸ™‚ I too have been asked this question by pretty much everyone I’ve told I think! I’ll be honest though, it never once occurred to me as rude.
    Firstly, I tend to be an over sharer rather than a secret keeper! I guess it’s all to do with personal boundaries – friends and family should know what you’re comfortable with and respect that.
    I think generally though, people just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, and choosing to have a baby is such a huge step, maybe they’re just not in the place where they can comprehend making that decision. I know it terrified me when we were talking about it! That’s not to say it’s unplanned, it’s just very exciting AND scary!
    I’ve learnt that telling people is a minefield generally! I’ll be posting on this topic too xx

    • 24th November 2014 / 6:11 pm

      Hey Kate. I totally agree with what your saying about people blurting it out and i can understand particulary when, as you say, having a baby isn’t on their radar.
      I was a bit disappointed at the amount of family who said it withought thinking but i think my main frustrations are with myself. I should of made it clear i wasn’t comfortable with the question to set a boundary for future conversations.
      Looking forward to reading more about your experiences:) x

    • 25th November 2014 / 7:47 pm

      Awe! I’m sorry yall feel that way. But your sweet baby will have plenty of love πŸ™‚ people can be so harsh sometimes for now reason! Jokes on them, they miss out on sweet baby cuddles πŸ˜‰ we announced at 8 weeks after our first ultrasound. We told the family first and then a Facebook post! Haha.

  4. 24th November 2014 / 8:18 pm

    Aw, it’s horrible to feel disappointed when you break the news (I know that feeling). Hopefully they realised that it wasn’t the best question to ask and they’ll be more mindful in future. Best wishes xx

    • 25th November 2014 / 4:47 pm

      Thanks Kate. I think I just need to a) toughen up a litte and b) bring it up with someone should they push the boundaries in the future to avoid bad feeling.

      I’m pretty much over it tbh just though it would feel good to blog about and hopefully help someone who doesn’t/didnt ecpect this seemingly common question.xx

  5. 25th November 2014 / 2:33 pm

    I’ve personally never been asked that but everyone knew we were trying! I would be furious though. I totally understand your need to have a badass response, I would too. As hard as it is, ignore them. That baby only needs y’all. That growing bump is a blessing, people who don’t see that don’t deserve you guys! Have y’all told all of your friends yet, or just specific ones?

    • 25th November 2014 / 4:51 pm

      Hi πŸ™‚
      We’ve told close friends and just let it filter out now, telling others as we see them. Not into the whole facebook announcement thing though. Don’t get me wrong i have seen many a cute post or sweet video breaking the news to the world but there are just to many people hanging around our social media who we don’t feel we ‘owe it to’ to tell them publicly, if that makes sense? What about you guys? How and when did you let the news loose?x

      • 25th November 2014 / 7:47 pm

        Awe! I’m sorry yall feel that way. But your sweet baby will have plenty of love πŸ™‚ people can be so harsh sometimes for now reason! Jokes on them, they miss out on sweet baby cuddles πŸ˜‰ we announced at 8 weeks after our first ultrasound. We told the family first and then a Facebook post! Haha.

  6. 25th November 2014 / 3:04 pm

    It is a rude question that does seem to get asked with alarming alacrity. I got asked it several times. I felt like saying, ‘Yes, were you?’ but I just smiled and said yes because I’m British and painfully polite despite the person asking the question. I’m 38 weeks and the other day a complete stranger said to me, ‘it’s nice to see you’re married dear.’ Seriously! When I was in my first trimester I did a little list of things not to say. I’m surprised I managed to restrict it to five! ttp://beagreenbean.co.uk/2014/07/19/five-things-you-do-not-say-to-pregnant-women/

    • 25th November 2014 / 4:52 pm

      Haha I can totally relate to the polite britishness!! I think thats why i clammed up even though i had these little retorts prepared πŸ™‚
      Congrats on your pregnancy, hope the rest goes smoothly.x

  7. 25th November 2014 / 3:35 pm

    Haha Great post! We had this with our first. My mum jumped out of her chair cuddled and congratulated us and stepped back and went “Was this planned and are you happy about this?”
    The other mum just starred at us for a couple of minutes (or at least it seemed like it) then asked us the question and then congratulated us. Lol I don’t think either way was better than the other.

    • 25th November 2014 / 4:52 pm

      Haha i can imagine! Awh i think they are all well-meaning but it does get tiresome.

  8. 3rd December 2014 / 8:42 pm

    Oh my gosh! I totally had this from my gym instructor. It totally threw me. On the flipside I also had a colleague ask ‘had we been trying long?’, seriously what makes people ask?!

  9. 3rd December 2014 / 8:42 pm

    Oh my gosh! I totally had this from my gym instructor. It totally threw me. On the flipside I also had a colleague ask ‘had we been trying long?’, seriously what makes people ask?!

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